Fear is lost in all YOU are.

Wow. What an unbelievable night I had tonight. It was one of those earth shaking, mountain moving experiences that God seems to use to grab my attention and hold me dear. I am a fearful person, I dread the unknown, I become anxious over things that I have no control over. Tonight it hit me that while I stand and say: Here I am, send me, part of me holds back. The part that fears the unknown. God has called me to be a missionary and confirmed it time and time again. I always doubt that He actually knows what He is doing, its a horrible flaw. Tonight though I got delivered from that.

My parents and I went to Voice Ministries tonight. They go most Tuesday evenings, its a place to worship and just be in the presence of God. And most Tuesdays I stay at home and no doubt probably stay on the computer all night. But tonight I decided to go and the topic was healing. Now anyone who actually knows me, knows that I have had a few physical ailments... :) So as soon as the speaker began to tell her miraculous story about how God healed her physical pain, I thought, Yea, maybe tonight is the night that my knee stops hurting, or maybe my stomach aches will be gone forever. And so she kept talking, and I kept listening. At the end of the meeting, anyone who wanted prayer for healing was called up, and I went. It took me a few minutes of standing at the alter to remember that healing isn't always just about the physical things. Sometimes we need spiritual healing too. Sometimes I need spiritual healing. So we waited to be prayed over and a man came up. Here is what I basically felt.

• I had a peace
• I realized that I was afraid. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do what God has called me today. I was afraid that I couldn't be my best for Him or that I would fail at being a missionary for Him.
• I was afraid that I wasn't the woman that He wanted to be. 

The man who prayed over me addressed all of my fears. Everything I have been anxious about seems to have an answer. I am the woman that God created me to be. The best days are coming, but the best days are also here and now. I don't need to fear the future, failure, unknown things, what I'll be doing, who I'll marry, or anything at all. God has a plan for my life and He called me to jump on board with Him and change the world. So here We go and you're welcome to come along. 

 And tonight when I got home and began to process everything, 2 songs popped into my mind. They take the words right out of my mouth so here are the lyrics:

Surrender
Marc James

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you
And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross 
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss 
For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain 

To the ends of the Earth

Hillsong

Lyrics:
Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all you are

And I would give the world to tell you're story 
'Cause I know that you've called me
I know that you've called me
I've lost myself for good within your promise
And I won't hide it
I won't hide it 

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go, to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God

i look good for me and my (girl) friends

I wish that I could post a giant neon sign above every city in the world to tell girls how truly and perfectly beautiful they are. I get so frustrated with girls who try everything to be "beautiful" and try to attract guys based on how they look on the outside. If those are the kind of guys you want go for it. I would rather be liked for what I have to offer on the inside. I think that every girl should focus on looking her best, but not to impress guys. She should do it to feel good about herself and reflect what she has to offer on the inside. Being a cosmetologist I do think that it is important to look put together, like you take care of yourself. I don't  think it takes loads of makeup, hours in the tanning bed or hundreds of dollars spent on hair care products to be beautiful. Take what you have an enhance it.

So here is my message to every young single girl in the world (including the middle school girls who want a boyfriend)

Don's use your looks to try and get guys. Shine the incredible personality that you have to offer. Don't worry about what guys thing anyway. Just look good for you and your (girl) friends.