Wow. I have not posted in a long time, I just haven't had any inspiration lately. I feel inspired tonight. I feel inspired to talk about Christ and how thankful I am for His love and His grace.
I was listening to the song You Never Let Go by Chris Tomlin tonight, and I have to be honest... there are times when I feel like this song is just super cliche. Everyone wants to sing it. All the time. As I listened to it tonight though, I was really struck by the words. How wonderful is it that God never lets go? He is holding up no matter how messy and terrible our lives get. He is holding us in the good and the bad. When you stop and think of that, it is kind of incredible.
I also thought about how fake I have been recently. Maybe not so much fake as I was apathetic. Like I just really didn't care. I wanted to live my life the way that I wanted to live my life. I have really been wrestling with everything that my family has been through this year. I do not blame God for it, He has a purpose in everything, but at the same time, I was still pretty mad and irritated. It is discouraging to feel like life makes absolutely no sense. I have really had a hard time with it. As I was wrestling with this, I decided that I could just do my own thing. Christ was not the main thing in my life. I feel like I sound like a broken record. Why is it so easy for me to get caught up in my own world? I never understand. I have been taught this lesson time and time again. Doing my own thing never leads to anything good in my life. Ever. And yet every once and a while I decide to try it again, hoping that I am wiser and maybe this time, I can make my plans work. They still don't.
I really don't want to be a lukewarm Christian. I get so fed up with myself. Every fiber of my being desires to be sold out, living only for His glory. The other day in church we were singing a song about God being all we need, that He satisfies all of our needs and I had to stop singing because those words didn't feel real to me. I know in my head that He is all I will ever need, but my heart always has a hard time believing that.
So tonight, I am thankful for His never ending grace. I am thankful that when I run into my own little world, God still loves me and He is just waiting for me to come back. And when I come back, He is always waiting with His arms of love wide open. And I can crawl into them and be like Buddy the Elf and sing "I'm here with my dad, I'm here now. I found you, daddy. And guess what? I love you, I love you, I love you"
