A few things I have learned...

A few things I have learned about myself, God and life...

Over the past few weeks I have slowly seen myself slipping back into my old ways... Life became mundane instead of something wonderful to experience, my relationship with Christ seemed to be crumbling and I didn't seem to mind and I was good at saying all the right things to make people happy...

But I feel empty inside. Hollow. And I knew why, but it seemed like too much work to try and fix it. I keep telling myself... things will change once you get to college... just have fun. Well the problem is things need to change now. I can't keep waiting for the future to fix my issues because it only makes  them larger and harder to fix. Then I remember that I can't fix anything... Only He can. In my heart I know He is beginning to change me, but I'm too busy living for myself to let it happen.

Then this morning I had a wake up call... I'm living for myself, I'm having "fun," but I still don't feel fulfilled and satisfied. I know that something is missing. Something major. So this morning as I'm curling my hair I started to play worship music... something that I haven't done in a really long time. And as I am standing there listening to the music, I closed my eyes and I just released myself into His love and I worshiped Him. I literally had one had raised and the other on my curling iron. And I found what I have been missing.

When I was in Honduras, Elsa told me that I knew what my calling was, but until I was ready to fulfill it, I just needed to worship Him, worship Him, worship Him.

Here's the life lesson that I learned today.... It doesn't matter how far away I am running from my Savoir when I turn and run back to Him, He is waiting with His arms wide open, just waiting to hold me and shower His love down onto me.

So here I stand with arms high and my heart abandoned. Here I am Lord. I am Yours. Use me. Send me. I will go.

Micah 6:8

Untitled.

Sometimes I wish that I was back in kindergarten, swinging on the swings and reading Junie B. Jones books. Here's the reality, I am not a little girl anymore. I have to grow up. I thought I had it all figured out, but I'm scared now. I don't want to be in America anymore, and I don't want to be stuck in this same routine that seems to control my life. I want more.  

So tell me what you want

I love summer. The pool, the beach, and especially the great times with friends. This summer I have the great opportunity of working my first job! And it is great! I have the wonderful joy of spending my summer days with four of the coolest kids in Indiana... maybe the world!!

But with summer comes a lot of down time and a lot of time to think. I was just thinking today how incredibly blessed I am. My mom called me tonight and told me that a huge prayer for my future has been answered which is really exciting. And tonight I get to hang out with my wonderful family. In two weeks I will become an adult and celebrate my graduation. As scary as this world seems, I am so excited for what the future holds.

Who knows what I'll become or who I will be?

But Im going to start by being myself. My crazy, humorous, and unique self.

The day after graduation

So I graduated yesterday which brings about a lot of emotions. For one, I can't believe that I actually did it. There were so many tears shed over the past four years that I have been at Memorial High School. Along with the tears, there were laughs and many good memories were made. I am not worried at all for my future. I know that God has everything under control and I think I just need to trust Him in His direction for me life. I am so blessed to be where I am today and I am so blessed to have been raised the way I am.

I think the most exciting thing about graduating is the fact that I know that I finished something that at times was hard, uncomfortable and very challenging. I think the most exciting thing is knowing that I have opened a huge door to my future and now, holding my Father's hand I am going to step into the incredible things that He has planned for me. I am not certain what that holds. But I cannot wait!!

Yay Graduation!

Lets close this chapter!

Today closes a huge chapter in my life. One that I am thankful I will never have to revisit. I am official done with High School. Sunday I will walk across that stage, and receive a piece of paper that says I have survived 4 years or horror... no it wasn't that bad. I guess that everyone gets a little sappy and sentimental when they graduate and I am no different. I have grown into a young woman over these past few years. I know that I still have much more growing to do, but I am proud where I am now.

Tonight I decided to get out the box that holds every thing important from preschool to the end of my senior year. I got quite a few laughs at myself :) But I realized tonight how perfectly and wonderfully God has created me. I have been given many gifts from Him. One gift in particular is my ability to articulate words and put them together in such a fashion to create a piece of art. I think I have been writing since I could hold a pen. Reading everything I wrote as a child makes me appreciate my teachers and my parents for pushing me to be creative and to let my creativity flow onto paper. I love to write. For me writing is a way to express myself. I hope that I never lose that passion.

As i lay my head down on my pillow tonight, I am going to say a huge prayer of blessing over everyone that helped me become the person I am today. I am so blessed to have the life I have. Sometimes I literally feel the love surrounding me. So here is my thank you to my wonderful parents, Susan and Roger who have raised me in a home that is a true likeness of the person of Jesus. They pushed me harder than anyone else and I would not be here today with out them :) Thank you to my little sister, Claire for being a constant friend, confident and comedian in my life. I have been blessed with the coolest little sister ever!! Many thanks to my Grandma and Grandpa Walterhouse and my Nanny and Papaw Beals, to my aunts, uncles and cousins, to all my pastors, Sunday school teachers and youth leaders and to my very best and true friends!

Words can not begin to describe the emotions that are in my heart tonight. I am so blessed.

<3 Char

Frustration

I am really frustrated at myself tonight. I can not sleep. I have noticed that the past few weeks my relationship with Christ has not been where it should be. I have slowly been isolating myself, thinking I can deal with my problems on my own. I by no means have this figured out and as I am sure you can guess, I am failing miserably at being my own "savior." I reread all my journal entries from Honduras and I want to find the girl that I was when I was there this summer. Something changed in me. I have never felt the Holy Spirit on me in such a powerful way as I did when I was overseas. Please capture my heart JESUS!

I was talking with my mom a few days ago about my future and my past... they kinda go hand in hand. I have been healed from many childhood fears and insecurities that I struggled with and I find those things creeping back into my life. I just want to scream: satan get behind me! you have no authority to be in my thoughts or my actions! Its so freeing to say that!

I know deep down that when I stop trying to control everything around me that God is going to step in and rock my world like crazy, but recently it has been difficult to hand Him the reins to my life. I am continuing to pray that God clearly directs my path and I know that He will.

So tonight I ask all of my friends and family to intercede on my behalf and ask God to reveal Himself to me and capture my heart again!

<3 Char

#YOLO

I realized today how much we have in to offer this world. Think about it... there are like 7 billion people who are on this planet and God made every single one of them different. Not one human being is the same. Can you just picture God in Heaven intricately working to create someone unique and special? Someone that He will love forever? The thought blows my mind. I can picture like a huge cabinet with all these jars labeled with different personality traits and God just sprinkling us with ones that He created for us! Its crazy to think that we are all different.

But in a way arent we all the same? Dont we have a heart that beats and a brain that functions? Weren't we all created for one incredible purpose?  I love how different we can be and yet how alike we all are.

Every year, at some point, I start to worry about what my future will look like. Its really a ridiculous thing to do, but I am human and far from perfect. Today I was worried that by getting an intercultural studies degree, or missions, that I would be getting the most pointless degree offered. What can one do with an INTERCULTURAL studies major in America? Then I was reminded that if God created me and knows everything about me then He probably has a plan for my life and a reason for me to major in intercultural studies.

See that's the incredible thing about God,  He has all my days planned. He has everything that He wants me to do scheduled. And thats why tonight I can rest in His arms knowing that He is in control of my past, my present and my future.

You only live once... and i'm choosing to live for Christ