A very sad story...

My favorite socks ripped today.

Completely torn. 

Now I know that you may not understand why this is such a big deal, but these were not a normal pair of socks. They were the greatest pair of socks in the whole wide world. 

Let me share the story of these socks. 

I went to Chicago with my friends one day. It was a beautiful day and I had the greatest pair of shoes on. I loved those shoes. But favoring looks over comfort, I didn't wear any socks with my shoes. 

We walked into Forever 21 and I was like "Hey, I should get some socks cuz I have blisters and my pretty sure my ankles were bleeding." So I started to look for some socks. And I found the perfect pair. It was love at first sight (not romantic love, but the kind of love that only one very unique girl could share with the most perfect kind of socks.) 

They were white anklets. With brown owls and hot pink hearts. I thought there could be nothing more perfect than that pair of socks. Of course I bought them, and I put them on right away! I loved those socks. 

But that is not the pair of socks that ripped today. Those were my second favorite pair of socks. I loved the white socks so much that I wanted to get another pair (again, please keep in mind that I am crazy.) 

I went to the Forever 21 here in Mishawaka with a mission to find another pair of white socks with brown owls and hot pink hearts. You can imagine my surprise though (okay actually you probably can't because right now you are thinking about how strange I am and why you are even reading a blog post about a crazy girls unusual love of socks.) when I found a more perfect pair of socks. 

I thought they were the cutest thing ever. I had never seen anything like them. Ever. They were grey anklets. With black owls and light pink hearts. A more perfect sock has never existed. Naturally I bought them and I have loved them every day since

I don't think that socks have the ability to change a person's mood, so these socks were clearly magical because I was always so happy when I wore them. When I would go to physical therapy after my surgery, I always wanted those socks to be clean because they were my favorite pair. I would stare at them and smile at how happy they made my feet. Even when I was crying because physical therapy hurts. 

So now that you have endured my bizarre ramblings about my favorite pair of socks, I wish you all a good day. I hope that one day you too can experience the deep level of joy that the perfect pair of socks can bring. For the record I will totally be returning to Forever 21 to browse their sock selections. 

When

I have realized over the last few days that I ask one question a lot: When.

I like to have things planned. I am very bad with spur the moment or changed plans. I like to know what I am doing, when I am doing it, and where I am doing it. When plans change, it is one of the hardest things for me to deal with.

I have really had a hard time at college, I am going to be honest with you. I know that college is a time of growing and maturing into a respectable adult who can enter the work force, and have a career. I don't like college. I like my friends, and I like my professors, but I don't like the idea of college. I don't even know what God wants me to do. I have changed my major 4 times, and I am planning on doing it again. And I just want to ask when is it going to be clear to me?

Its a really good thing that God is bigger than me. And that He has all the power. And control of my life. Honestly if I was running my life the way I wanted to, I would probably be rocking back and fourth in a corner somewhere crying! (thats a true story and a pretty ugly visual haha)

Friends tonight I realized something, and it is something that I have discovered over and over again. Sometimes when we are in an absolute low point in our life, God can really show up and show us how great He is. I love that.

My absolute favorite lyrics in a worship song are: Sweetly Broken, Wholly Surrendered. When we are broken, and when life has just completely weighed us down, we have no choice but to surrender everything we are to the Lord.

And sometimes it is okay for us to be at our absolute whits end, as long as we don't stay there.
When.

Its a question God is always willing to answer, but its on His time

What i think about

 When I am not singing Disney songs, I like to think about stuff.

I think about socks, like an abnormal amount. I love socks a lot because they never have to match the rest of your outfit.

I also think about hello kitty. and bubbles and how fun it would be to have hello kitty bubbles.

I think about my little sister a lot and how much I miss her day to day.

Sometimes I think about breathing and how cool it is. But its so simple, only it is really complex.

90% of my brain in full of movie quotes. I think about them a lot and then I laugh because sometimes they are really funny! Then people look at me like I am weird.

But I don't care what people think.

Occasionally I wonder what it would be like to be a super hero! I think I would like to have the power to read minds. Only not all the time, just selectively. Or fly because walking is boring and sometimes I don't enjoy it. My superhero name would be nerd girl because nerd glasses are cool.

I think about cake sometimes too. I like cake.

Sometimes I think about not thinking. And then I realize that I am thinking but thinking about not thinking even though I am trying not to think.

When I look at my hands I think about how much prettier my nails are with paint on them.

Let's be honest, I think about my hair a lot. I mean it is just so close to my brain that it is hard not to think about it.

I think about future stories that I want to write too.

That's what I think about a lot.

Too Quickly Forgotten

My how incredible is the God that we serve? Do you ever just sit in silence and just marvel at how great our God is? I think that I have forgotten that the past few weeks. It is easy for me to worship God, and pour out my heart to Him, but often times I just forget how insanely incredible He is. 

This weekend my cousin, Kara, and I went up and stayed with our grandparents in MI (and we totally didn't get lost on the drive up there which is kind of a miracle in and of its self. Tthough if we had gotten lost, I was totally ready to ration off my fruit snacks so we could survive :)). And while we were visiting them, we watched this History Channel presentation of the Bible, the OT to be specific. I have mixed feeling about the Old Testament. The history lover inside of me absolutely loves it, and the other part of me often wonders why God was the way He was in the OT. I mean if you think about it, He did some pretty incredible things (i.e. parting the red sea, giving Abraham a son, the burning bush, winning like a million and ten battles). God is like a pretty cool guy... He has this incredible power. Then there is another part to God that sometimes confuses me. Sometimes He seems harsh. (You know, He did save a bunch of people from dying as slaves in Egypt, so yeah He really did want them to follow Him and obey Him. I'm just saying, He totally deserved it at the very least). The same God who destroyed an entire city, Sodom and Gomorrah (I guess it's really 2 cities) is the exact same God who watched over a little Hebrew baby floating in a basket. Isn't our God incredible?! 

This past week has been really difficult. I am trying to adjust to the pain that I have had for about a week. I realized tonight how frustrated and mad I am. I have lived with constant knee pain since I was in fifth grade, and even before that, my feet and ankles were already in pain. I have struggled with this pain, knowing that God can heal me. Knowing that He is going to heal me. But in the midst of my frustration and even anger at still being in pain, I remembered that this is how God is shaping me. He isn't finished building me and growing me and transforming me into who He wants me to be. 

Its very easy for me to forget sometimes that God is walking through this with me. I am at a time in my life when I feel so far from Christ, I feel lost in my walk with Him. Life recently has been a waiting period, and if you know me, you know that I am not very patient. And because of this time in my life, I have too quickly forgotten that our God is awesome God (see what I did there?! For old times sake)

I am reminded tonight of two verses. The first verse comes from Hebrews 13:5-God has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." This verse was so encouraging to me today. Even though it feels like I am miles and miles from my Savior, I know that He is right next to me. He is holding my hand, and He keeps giving me the strength to push on towards His plan that He has for me. It is so reassuring to know that nothing I ever do will ever separate me from our powerful God. 

The second verse comes from Psalms 139:14-I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Your works are excellent, I know that full well. It is one of my favorite verses because it holds one of the prettiest truths in it. I am wonderfully made. God did not mess up when He made me who I am. He created me wonderfully. He created each of us wonderfully. And He isn't done shaping us. I so needed to be reminded of this. He has a plan and a purpose for my life, and for everyone's and it is so incredible to think about. 

I am so anxious to see what God has for me after my surgery. He can use me now, there is no doubt in my mind. I am just so excited how He chooses to use the fixed Charlotte. 

And now my dear friends, I leave you with a challenge. Some time during your busy day, take a break and sit in the presence of Jesus. Take a moment to think of how awesome our God is. Maybe you could think of the way He showed His perfect power in the OT, or how He revealed Himself through miracles in the OT. Maybe He has done, or he is doing, an incredible work in your life. Wherever you see His might, praise Him for that. Bless His name. Worship Him. We serve an incredible Creator who deserves all of our heart, and all of our mind, and all of our strength. And please remember that even when you feel miles and miles from the heart of God, He is closer to you than you think. He has created you for a purpose. 

10,000 reasons continued:

19. His wonderful signs of POWER in the OT. 

20. His perfect plan, for not only me, but for each of us. 

21. His ever constant presence. 

22. His mind blowing, earth shaking, mountain moving power and might. 

23. The ability to worship Him. 

24. His healing hand! (Even when it isn't on my terms, which lets face it, the Creator of the world has WAY better plans than me!)

25. The voice of the Holy Spirit that can be heard in our lives. 

Slipping and Sliding into Spring

Well friends it has certainly been an interesting week. I am glad that it is finally over!  Where do I begin my story? How about on Monday!

Monday morning I was washing my face, when an evil exfoliate bead decided to camp out under my eyelid... I went through my normal day until about 4:30, when my eye decided to start swelling and stinging. My grandma rushed me into the eye doctor, who was able to safely remove the bead. But man it hurt.

So, you think my excitement would end there. You would be wrong. Tuesday morning started out like every Tuesday morning. I was happily on my way to class, in my full leg brace I might add, and low and behold tragedy struck. My foot, adorned in my favorite sparkle shoes, managed to slip on the one and only small patch of slush outside my classroom building. Well, when my foot slipped, my knee cap dislocated. Normally a dislocation wouldn't be that bad. This one was different. I called my dad and said I needed to go to the ER. I cried for a good 20 minutes, a rare occurrence after a dislocation.  My mom left work, drove me to the ER and we got X-rays and such. Nothing was broken. I was just really swollen, and slightly out of it, because of the pain and the medicine.

We scheduled with my surgeon on Wednesday at 10:30. He said my X-rays showed a little piece of something broken, or chipped, but apparently it has been there for quiet some time. There was nothing to be worried about. He put me on crutches, gave me some medicine and said it should heal soon.

We also scheduled my surgery.  Thats right, we have a date! On May 16, yours truly will undergo a Tibia Tubrical Osteotomy (I have heard that too many times hehe :)) along with a few other minor procedures.

Wednesday afternoon was wonderful! I got to spend the day with my two best and most wonderful friends, Kara and Joe. We got to watch a movie and eat pizza, and I was somewhat coherent. :)

So, I thought things were good, I would be okay. Yea, Wednesday night, while sitting in chapel trying to pay attention to the speaker (normally I would, but I was on pain medicine...) my knee cap decided to slide out 4 more times. After several tears, and a mascara stained face, my grandpa picked me up from Bethel, I went back to his house, packed my stuff and  my dad came and got me.

Thursday I got to spend the day with my sick little sister, Claire, who is just wonderful. And though she was sick, and I was miserable and full of pain medicine, we had a lovely day together.

Today, I rested, went to lunch with a friend who is moving and went to dinner with my grandparents.

So my week has been interesting. I don't handle pain medicine all that well, so things have been pretty fuzzy. I can honestly say that I am looking forward to this surgery in May. It has been a long road to get here, and I am ready for it to end! Also tonight starts the first night of my spring break!! And I have some fun things planned, assuming I can actually function on this medicine haha!

I just haven't blogged in a while, so I decided to but my boredom to rest. I am very thankful for all of the friends and family members who have been praying for me. I am truly blessed to have such an awesome support system. God is good. He is a rock which the weary can cling to. Believe me, I have been clinging to the rock. If you want to pray for me, I am still pretty sore, please pray for comfort, for my emotional health, and for a quick two months as I wait for surgery. If there is anyway I can be praying for you, please let me know!!

10,000 Reasons II

5. Music.
     I love music. And I don't mean these new convoluted "singers" now a days who can't keep a tune without auto tune. (Though there are some singers out there who can really belt it out and sound INCREDIBLE. Exhibit A: Adele.) But I love music. I love classical music, I love music with lyrics, Christian music, secular music, I just really enjoy music. I suppose its no wonder that I feel most connected to God when I am singing worship songs and praise songs. I love music.

6. SNOW (go ahead and gripe and complain. You can read it when you are done.)
    Have you ever looked a snow flake? It is one of the prettiest things that there is. Snow is sparkly and glittery and it shines and shimmers in a way that is incomparable to anything else. I don't like driving in snow, and I don't like how cold it is when it snows, but I love to look at pure white falling snow. To take you back to Sunday school for a few minutes, when snow is on the ground, everything is so white and pure. Thank you Lord for the snow.

7. Birds
     I hate birds. I legitimately am terrified of birds. (I attribute my fear to almost getting eaten by a flamingo at the zoo, grated it was only my finger. Or the fact that I got pooped on at the beach. Or because of the two sparrows that got stuck in my window when I was home alone. and finally because one time a bird flew down our chimney while we were away on vacation and pooped on everything in our house then tried to fly out our back window and died.) Even though I despise birds, I think that big birds are some of the most majestic creatures in the world. I love to see a hawk flying by or any big bird really. I think they are beautiful.

8. Fishing
    I love to fish. I absolutely love it,  Especially when there are no mosquitoes that are trying to kill me (But thank God for those too!) When I was little I caught like a really big fish! Like it was so big it was probably a whale (okay, not really it was a large mouth bass and I was a scrawny little 5 year old). Thus my love of fishing continued  There are few things in life that I enjoy more than fishing with my dad and sister.

9. Light
     Have you ever imagined what the world would be like if there was no light! Imagine a world of total darkness, it wouldn't be very much fun. I am so grateful for light! I like the sun and I like lamps and I like the moon that shines at night! Light is awesome!

10. The first day of Spring
    Though fall is my favorite season, I am always thankful when spring comes about. I love the bright colors of the Earth waking up after the darkness of winter! I love seeing flowers blooming and little baby animals scampering about and trying to avoid getting smashed by cars (one of the down falls to spring). I love the attitude of people! Its like they are just so happy the winter is over. I have a theory that everyone smiles during spring. I also like the fun holidays like St. Patty's day and Easter! Who doesn't get excited about a holiday from Ireland and a celebration of our Risen King.  Yep. Spring is a fun season.

11. My Daddy
      There are very few people in this life that are as great as my father. I just think there really is no one to compare him too! I love my mom a lot, like a lot, but my daddy and I have always had a super special bond. Talk about being a daddy's girl, I am one through and through. I just think that God made my dad extra special. He must have given Him an extra loving heart and an extra dose of humor too! My dad and I are so similar, in fact, I think he understands me better than most people. I am really thankful that I have such a great guy to took up to in my life! He is my favorite!

12. My Mama
     She is literally the greatest woman ever! I think if the Avengers ever need another superhero, they should call her up! She is a wonderful woman of prayer, she always listens t me when I am rambling, and she helps me make sense of my life! She is a great teacher and care taker and housewife and comedian and Jesus lover! I think she can pretty much fix anything. I am so blessed to have such a strong Christian woman to look up to in my life. She is the greatest person!

13. Claire Jo Espresso :)
      Where would I be without a little sister? I probably would have gotten in trouble fewer times, but I wouldn't have had as much fun growing up. We argue a lot. and that is kind of sad. But we have a lot of fun together! I am so thankful for a sister who i can laugh with, and cry with (though we mostly laugh), who I can tease and who can tease me. I am blessed beyond words to have a little sister like Claire!

14. Imagination!
     Where would we be if no one had an imagination! We wouldn't have books, or movies, or television shows or really anything! I think that we as "grown ups" (well if you could even call me that) sometimes forget that imagination is a great thing! It is a gift to have an imagination! So use your imagination today! Maybe while you are driving on the winter wonderland roads you can pretend you are in Alaska and perhaps you'll see a moose of a baby seal (that was for you Joe). Use your imagination today!!

15. God's plan
      I am so thankful that God has already written my book of life for me. I am so glad that before I was born, with a full head of hair I might add, that He already knew exactly what I was going to do, where I was going to go, and who I was going to be. I  love the chapters of this book that I have read, and I can't wait to finish reading it.

16. Fresh Air
      Isn't it so wonderful to step outside and inhale and just get a huge breath of wonderful air! I love this feeling. It may or may not be fresh with all this pollution and stuff floating about!

17. Nice People
      Sometimes people are just plain mean. I really am thankful for nice people who smile at you and talk to you with excitement and such! I like nice people.

18. Duck Dynasty (roll your eyes its cool).
      I am thankful for the classiest show on TV, Duck Dynasty. Actually in all seriousness, I like that a tv show family that is rooted in Christianity is a really big deal right now. I also like Si and his awesome stories. But seriously I am glad that they are so open about their relationships with Christ. Even if the show is a little bit staged, their love for Christ isn't.

What are somethings that you are thankful for? Like that aren't typical answers?

10,000 Reasons

I had posted on Facebook a few weeks that I was going to keep track of 10,000 things that I love about the Lord, and since then I have caught myself being more thankful for the things around me. I could easily type up a list of things that I thank the Lord for, but I am singing ten thousand reasons for my soul to bless the Lord.

I am going to start my list today, and I know that finding 10,000 unique and original things to bless the Lord,  will take some time.

Today I start with....

1. A Child's Laughter  
     Have you ever just stopped what you are doing to listen to a little one laugh? Have you ever noticed the little faces they make when they are laughing really hard? It is seriously one of the cutest things in the world. I work a preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays and one of the best parts about my job is getting to witness the laughter that comes from their playtime, nap time, even snack time. A laugh is a beautiful thing to thank the Lord for.

2. Stars.
    I attribute my love of stars to the long drives that we used to take between Weeping Water and Omaha or Lincoln. There is no sight greater than a completely darkened sky dotted with pin holes into heaven (I know it's kinda cliche). I love looking at the stars. This fall my friends and I were in the country and the sky was amazing. There were like a million shooting stars, and it was breathtaking. I absolutely loved it. Living in South Bend, I hardly notice the stars anymore.

3. Love
    Love is just an incredible thing. It is in explainable. The church answer is fairly simple and we can say "Jesus is love." That is so true. But how do we define the love that we feel for our friends and family here on earth. I don't think you can compare Love to any inanimate object, or any other feeling that we experience. I think love is something that we can be thankful for.

4.Communication- verbal and written
     God has given us the ability to communicate with others through our word and body language. I think that is a beautiful thing. Communication isn't even limited to one another, God has given us the ability to communicate with him. There is another thing to thank the Lord for.

There are so many other things that I can think of. There are hundreds and thousands and millions of reasons for our hearts to sing a song of Thanksgiving to our creator.

I love you Lord.