A few years ago, I was in the mood to make lists. Instead of typing my blog like an essay, I typed lists and I had my cousin read the lists and comment on them because that is what my favorite book character and her best friend did in the Princess Diaries series.... Anyways, I am back to wanting to make lists. And the two lists I made that had the most views were these two:
You might be Charlotte if...
and
You might be Charlotte if...(Part 2)
(you can read them: http://thejoyfullittlecupcake.blogspot.com/2014/02/you-might-be-charlotte-if.html
http://thejoyfullittlecupcake.blogspot.com/2014/03/you-might-be-charlotte-ifpart-2.html)
So here you go friends, or stalkers, or whatever you want to call yourself... Here is a list of other ways for you to decide if you are anything like me...
1. For starters, you are watching a John Denver documentary right now while typing this post. Because... you really like to have a bunch of random knowledge in your head... also because John Denver has a nice voice and sweet songs about nature and being in nature and how pretty nature is and also about jet planes and leaving on them. (He died in a plane accident... how sad is that?)
2. You change your hair bi-weekly. Whether it is cutting it or coloring it... you find new things to do to your hair and you do it because taking risks is fun! Plus you don't really care if others like it or not because it makes you happy. And you have considered dying your hair with some Kool-Aid... it is dramatic... but less ghetto.
3. You prefer being called Charlotte... but so many people know you as Char and you are too nice and also too lazy to try and correct everyone. Plus you don't mind being called Char all that much.
4. You tell your friends how much they mean to you often. Not because you want to annoy them with your friendship but because you want them to know that they are so special to you. And because you really do have the greatest friends in the world. And words are the most important way that you express your love and stuff and things like such as.
5. Baking and cooking relax you... but only when you are in the mood to bake and cook. If someone gives you directions to "spur the moment," it can get a little stressful.
6. Sometimes you want to go everywhere and do everything and other days, you just want to sit and watch Netflix with your friends or family and drink tea and wear oversized sweatshirts.
7. Your love for, and dedication to, puzzles is real. And you aren't the best at them. But that is okay. You find something peaceful about something broken and in thousands of peaces being turned into something whole and beautiful. And several times you have thought about the parallel between puzzles and a relationship with Jesus... no shame.
8. You laugh at your own jokes even if other people aren't laughing. Especially when those jokes are puns because puns are without a doubt, the greatest jokes in the world and whoever invented them should win a prize.
9. Anytime you watch an epic movie such as... oh I don't know let's say "Lord of the Rings" or "Pirates of the Caribbean"...you get inspired to go out on an adventure... unfortunately for you, Indiana isn't exactly the most exciting place for adventure, so you just settle for going to Wal-Mart because that is kind of like an adventure... (PS I am looking for adventure...safe adventures with very low risks at the moment... but like a little fear is okay or you would never leave your comfort zone)
10. You know, and believe that there is power in being yourself 100%... even when you are crazy... and you don't "fit in" (haha what does THAT even mean) and even if it means you might embarrass yourself... you are still the "real you" which is super fun. Seriously... it's tiring pretending to be someone you aren't. You wear your rainboots when there is no rain... and you don't go see movies just because "everyone is going to see it" and sometimes you walk around the grocery story humming "He's a Pirate" to make it more epic.
11. You tell people you are a criminal justice major and they give you a really strange look and then ask you what you want to do with that and you can't give them a real answer because at this point, you honestly have no idea. But that is okay... when you feel like you need to do something, you should do it. Even when it makes no sense to you or anyone. But also secretly if you could ever be a police officer, it would probably be the greatest thing ever... but you can't because you can't run, everything makes you cry and you are too nice.
12. You are super emotional for literally no reason at all. When you are happy you are "really, really, really happy" and when you are sad, you are "really sad." And sometimes you don't know what you are at all! But you think joy is the emotion you experience the most.
13. You are blessed beyond words. And you hope that you can be a blessing to those that you come into contact with. And also that you make people smile. And laugh. Because those are important.
The end.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Life Lessons with Charlotte
Reflecting tonight, I realized that I have learned a lot in the 21 years that I have awkwardly been stumbling around on planet Earth. Here is a list of what I know to be true.
1. If you have been awake for a long period of time, and you are exhausted, check your feet before you get into the shower or you may realize that you left your socks on and even though no one would ever have to know, it is still embarrassing.
2. Make new friends even when you think that you will have absolutely nothing in common... sometimes you become friends with someone three times your age and because you are both slightly off your rocker, it works and it's awesome.
3. When your mom says, "Are you sure you want to wear THOSE shoes to walk around in all day?" you should probably reconsider your footwear. What she really means is, "Those will kill your feet and I don't want to hear you complain about it all day. And they will kill your feet and then you won't be able to tell her and your ankle might start bleeding a little bit. It's better to go with her pick of shoes.
4. Being nice to people is rewarding. It makes you feel good. So even when someone is super mean to you, be nice to them. Because one day maybe they won't get sprinkles on top of their ice cream cone and you might get double and that is the greatest reward I can think of.
5. Being yourself is way more fun than pretending to be someone you are not... the only time this is not true is in the case of dressing up in costumes. For example, being Pirate Charlotte is way more fun than being Regular Charlotte. Arrrrrrr you with me?
6. Don't let anyone, for any reason, ever tell you that you aren't good enough. You are more than good enough. And you don't have to prove that to anyone. You might not always be the best, but you are the best "you" you can be. So keep that up.
7. There is never a bad time to quote your favorite movie, TV show, or song. Some people might not get it, but someone may get it and that might lead to an awesome conversation and you might become best friends and get matching tattoos or whatever.
8. Being an adult is a lot harder than it looks which is why keeping your childlike fun and creativity and wonder is super important. If you want to color in a coloring book while wearing a princess crown after a stressful day, do it! Because being a kid is fun sometimes. But being an adult is also fun because you can have ice cream for dinner anytime you want and no one can say anything about it because you are a real adult.
9. Some people just won't like you and there is nothing you can do about it. And that's really unfortunate but if they don't like you that is their loss. Just keep doing whatever it is you are doing.
10. Sometimes you might be ditzy and you aren't doing it to get attention, your brain just takes super long pauses and that is okay.
11. When you are cooking, and your pan of fried rice catches on fire, don't try and put out the fire with water... you will burn your arm and then drop the pan on the floor and burn a hole into your linoleum and it will be a reason your family will make fun of you for the rest of your life.
12. Just do what makes you happy, even if people around you don't understand it. And also do what Jesus tells you to do, even if people around you don't understand it. But don't try to fit in, and don't worry about doing what society tells you to do because living your life the way you think is best is super important. And God has a way of always being right about His plan for you life, so just remember that.
13. Always get enough sleep. If you are sleep deprived, life just gets harder. So make sure you sleep, lay down and rest, close your eyes and dream. People who don't get enough sleep are grumpy and who wants to be around a grumpy person? I don't.
14. BE POSITIVE. Really, practice positivity! I have friends who are super negative and I have friends who are super positive and guess who I would rather spend time with. Life is short and it is too beautiful to be negative all the time. I don't really care how many things are going wrong, you are really blessed and you should focus on that. Seriously, be positive.
15. Live your life in service to others. Be the person that your friends want to come to when they need help. Shine Jesus in each area of your life and keep Him at the forefront of your mind.
16. It is okay to cry and anything and everything. I am a super emotional person. I cry when I am happy and when I am sad. I feel things very, very deeply. So if you are out in nature and you see a majestic forest animal looking all royal and stuff, it is okay to tear up a little bit. God makes beautiful things and crying a little bit is okay.
17. And this is the most important one, and I cannot stress this enough... Don't vote for Hilary Clinton.
The end.
1. If you have been awake for a long period of time, and you are exhausted, check your feet before you get into the shower or you may realize that you left your socks on and even though no one would ever have to know, it is still embarrassing.
2. Make new friends even when you think that you will have absolutely nothing in common... sometimes you become friends with someone three times your age and because you are both slightly off your rocker, it works and it's awesome.
3. When your mom says, "Are you sure you want to wear THOSE shoes to walk around in all day?" you should probably reconsider your footwear. What she really means is, "Those will kill your feet and I don't want to hear you complain about it all day. And they will kill your feet and then you won't be able to tell her and your ankle might start bleeding a little bit. It's better to go with her pick of shoes.
4. Being nice to people is rewarding. It makes you feel good. So even when someone is super mean to you, be nice to them. Because one day maybe they won't get sprinkles on top of their ice cream cone and you might get double and that is the greatest reward I can think of.
5. Being yourself is way more fun than pretending to be someone you are not... the only time this is not true is in the case of dressing up in costumes. For example, being Pirate Charlotte is way more fun than being Regular Charlotte. Arrrrrrr you with me?
6. Don't let anyone, for any reason, ever tell you that you aren't good enough. You are more than good enough. And you don't have to prove that to anyone. You might not always be the best, but you are the best "you" you can be. So keep that up.
7. There is never a bad time to quote your favorite movie, TV show, or song. Some people might not get it, but someone may get it and that might lead to an awesome conversation and you might become best friends and get matching tattoos or whatever.
8. Being an adult is a lot harder than it looks which is why keeping your childlike fun and creativity and wonder is super important. If you want to color in a coloring book while wearing a princess crown after a stressful day, do it! Because being a kid is fun sometimes. But being an adult is also fun because you can have ice cream for dinner anytime you want and no one can say anything about it because you are a real adult.
9. Some people just won't like you and there is nothing you can do about it. And that's really unfortunate but if they don't like you that is their loss. Just keep doing whatever it is you are doing.
10. Sometimes you might be ditzy and you aren't doing it to get attention, your brain just takes super long pauses and that is okay.
11. When you are cooking, and your pan of fried rice catches on fire, don't try and put out the fire with water... you will burn your arm and then drop the pan on the floor and burn a hole into your linoleum and it will be a reason your family will make fun of you for the rest of your life.
12. Just do what makes you happy, even if people around you don't understand it. And also do what Jesus tells you to do, even if people around you don't understand it. But don't try to fit in, and don't worry about doing what society tells you to do because living your life the way you think is best is super important. And God has a way of always being right about His plan for you life, so just remember that.
13. Always get enough sleep. If you are sleep deprived, life just gets harder. So make sure you sleep, lay down and rest, close your eyes and dream. People who don't get enough sleep are grumpy and who wants to be around a grumpy person? I don't.
14. BE POSITIVE. Really, practice positivity! I have friends who are super negative and I have friends who are super positive and guess who I would rather spend time with. Life is short and it is too beautiful to be negative all the time. I don't really care how many things are going wrong, you are really blessed and you should focus on that. Seriously, be positive.
15. Live your life in service to others. Be the person that your friends want to come to when they need help. Shine Jesus in each area of your life and keep Him at the forefront of your mind.
16. It is okay to cry and anything and everything. I am a super emotional person. I cry when I am happy and when I am sad. I feel things very, very deeply. So if you are out in nature and you see a majestic forest animal looking all royal and stuff, it is okay to tear up a little bit. God makes beautiful things and crying a little bit is okay.
17. And this is the most important one, and I cannot stress this enough... Don't vote for Hilary Clinton.
The end.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
My Reflection
Oh my gosh you guys, it is time for a "year in review" post. What an absolute "cliche". Yea, I know,
but I am not apologizing for it.
2015 is a year of mixed emotions, and the few of you who actually read my blog can probably guess why...it is because of Honduras. It took so much work to actually get there, and it ended in two months. And even though I love Honduras dearly, and I miss it terribly, I don't regret coming back home. I really don't. I have grown up so much this year, I say this, and I am sure that you know that I don't mean I have grown up in the society would define growing up. I mean that this was the year that I understood, that I finally figured out, my place in this world. For so long, I have struggled with knowing where I belong, and even knowing who I am, I have walked through depression, loneliness, and pain the last few years, and man does that mess with your mind. But this year, something just clicked and life made sense to me.
I still struggle with feeling icky. I have good days and I have bad days. When everything in your body gets thrown out of wack, it effects more than just your physical health. The past three months have been really hard on my emotional and my mental health. My mind will get fuzzy for no reason. I get anxious about the littlest things, stuff that wouldn't typically stress me out sometimes pushes me a little too far, I get really overwhelmed by noise, light, sounds,and smells and sometimes it causes me to zone out or shut down. And it's been real frustrating to try and handle all of that. It's even more difficult to try and explain it all to people because most times, I literally have no idea how to put it into words. It is hard to know who you are inside, but feel like you are trapped inside a foggy mind that feels like it isn't yours. And maybe none of this is important, but it sets the tone for where I am tonight.
So in the best way that I know how, I am going to make a list of this year. It is a random list that may not have a common theme, mostly because there were too many themes in my life this year.
but I am not apologizing for it.
2015 is a year of mixed emotions, and the few of you who actually read my blog can probably guess why...it is because of Honduras. It took so much work to actually get there, and it ended in two months. And even though I love Honduras dearly, and I miss it terribly, I don't regret coming back home. I really don't. I have grown up so much this year, I say this, and I am sure that you know that I don't mean I have grown up in the society would define growing up. I mean that this was the year that I understood, that I finally figured out, my place in this world. For so long, I have struggled with knowing where I belong, and even knowing who I am, I have walked through depression, loneliness, and pain the last few years, and man does that mess with your mind. But this year, something just clicked and life made sense to me.
I still struggle with feeling icky. I have good days and I have bad days. When everything in your body gets thrown out of wack, it effects more than just your physical health. The past three months have been really hard on my emotional and my mental health. My mind will get fuzzy for no reason. I get anxious about the littlest things, stuff that wouldn't typically stress me out sometimes pushes me a little too far, I get really overwhelmed by noise, light, sounds,and smells and sometimes it causes me to zone out or shut down. And it's been real frustrating to try and handle all of that. It's even more difficult to try and explain it all to people because most times, I literally have no idea how to put it into words. It is hard to know who you are inside, but feel like you are trapped inside a foggy mind that feels like it isn't yours. And maybe none of this is important, but it sets the tone for where I am tonight.
So in the best way that I know how, I am going to make a list of this year. It is a random list that may not have a common theme, mostly because there were too many themes in my life this year.
- I learned that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. And I think that this is true of most people. Life is really hard sometimes you guys, and it can effect us all differently. But look where we are now! And I don't give myself credit for being "strong." As I have mentioned many times, I am strong because God's power has been made perfect in my weakness. As my favorite character of 2015, Kimmy Schmidt would say, "We're the strong ones, and you can't break us!" It is so true!! I learned how to be strong.
- Going with the Kimmy Schmidt theme, you really can endure anything for ten seconds. Life is unpredictable and a lot of times it is easy to find yourself in a place that you never thought you would be. But it is possible to enjoy those places. Even when it is really hard to be "stuck" there, you can just start counting to ten, and then do it again, and again if you have too. If you count to ten enough times, something will change and you can move on to counting for ten more seconds in a new place. Everything is temporary on this earth. Nothing is forever. It's really important to remember that.
- When you put good in, you get good out. I really, really liked to listen to secular music. Most of the time, I was never even up to date on popular songs. In June, I realized that I had replaced all of my praise and worship music with really trashy songs that honestly I didn't even like that much. So I decided to switch it, and I started to put on my praise music and it was a wonderful decision. The more I would listen to the words, the more I would desire to make them true in my life.
- I rested, danced, feasted, learned, sat and I stayed in the presence of Jesus this year. I honestly can't explain this one in a blog post... I would just really like to tell you about it sometime. Though even that might be difficult because I can't begin to describe to you what an incredible feeling it is.
- I figured out who I was, and why I was put on this earth. And here is why, it is a super cliche Christian answer, but it is so true. I am here to serve Jesus. I am his daughter, I was created for a purpose and God has more for me than I can imagine. BOOM. That is truth that we all need.
- I decided that I wanted to be healthy, and I switched my diet, I started looking into natural healing and I started to surrender my health and my healing to Jesus daily. I WAS HEALED THIS YEAR! It was a miracle! And if God can take 5 years of chronic knee pain away in literally .5 seconds, He can heal my entire body from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. And that is what I am going to chase after and peruse.
- Love looks different to me. I understand how to love unconditionally. I understand that love isn't a feeling. It isn't magical. It's not from a fairytale. Love is an action. And you have to pursue love.
I have only touched the tip of the iceberg on this year. There is s much more to say, but it is already pretty long. In 2016, I am going to write down at least one good thing that happens to me every day and put it in a jar to read next Christmas. I am going to take one picture a day. And my most important task this year is to continue saying yes to as many things as possible. It is a way "funner" way to live!
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
To our hurting and broken world
Dear World,
I am so sorry for your hurting this week. I am so sorry for the fear and the chaos that has been awakened, stirring up more and more issues as it rears it's ugly head. I am sorry for the loss that you are feeling, the heartache and the pain. My heart breaks for those of you who feel unsafe and who worry about losing your life every moment of every day. I am sad too. My heart is breaking. I feel sad for the people who enjoy creating mass chaos. My heart hurts for those who project their own personal fears on to others. It pains me that there are people who are okay with taking away the life of a fellow human being. I hate that this threat of ISIS has been such a long battle. I feel frustrated, at times, that more has not been done to stop them. I am angry that evil is so prevalent, so domineering and controlling. I am sad that so many people have suffered because of it.
I have always been a deeply emotional person. My emotions are strong and everything so intensely. I felt so many strong emotions over the last few days, as I am sure we all have, and I haven't been able to sort them out. So here I sit, trying to write them out.
I no longer feel the fear that I have felt the last few days reading stories about threats from terrorists. I do not feel the anxiety that comes with wondering what is going to happen to the USA, and on a bigger scale, the world. I will say that I am still so overwhelmed by all of the different viewpoints on the refugee issue. But even then, I have no fear. I am praying. I am praying that the darkness flees. That as Christ-followers begin to lift their eyes to Jesus, the LIGHT becomes so great that it drives out the darkness. I am praying that fear is gone, in Jesus' name. And that peace settles upon this earth in ways that we can never understand. Please believe with me, my friends, that we serve a great, great God who is able to do more than we can ever ask or imagine.
Isaiah 54:10 says: Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
I am so sorry for your hurting this week. I am so sorry for the fear and the chaos that has been awakened, stirring up more and more issues as it rears it's ugly head. I am sorry for the loss that you are feeling, the heartache and the pain. My heart breaks for those of you who feel unsafe and who worry about losing your life every moment of every day. I am sad too. My heart is breaking. I feel sad for the people who enjoy creating mass chaos. My heart hurts for those who project their own personal fears on to others. It pains me that there are people who are okay with taking away the life of a fellow human being. I hate that this threat of ISIS has been such a long battle. I feel frustrated, at times, that more has not been done to stop them. I am angry that evil is so prevalent, so domineering and controlling. I am sad that so many people have suffered because of it.
I have always been a deeply emotional person. My emotions are strong and everything so intensely. I felt so many strong emotions over the last few days, as I am sure we all have, and I haven't been able to sort them out. So here I sit, trying to write them out.
I no longer feel the fear that I have felt the last few days reading stories about threats from terrorists. I do not feel the anxiety that comes with wondering what is going to happen to the USA, and on a bigger scale, the world. I will say that I am still so overwhelmed by all of the different viewpoints on the refugee issue. But even then, I have no fear. I am praying. I am praying that the darkness flees. That as Christ-followers begin to lift their eyes to Jesus, the LIGHT becomes so great that it drives out the darkness. I am praying that fear is gone, in Jesus' name. And that peace settles upon this earth in ways that we can never understand. Please believe with me, my friends, that we serve a great, great God who is able to do more than we can ever ask or imagine.
Isaiah 54:10 says: Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
God's covenant of peace is more than a promise, it is so much greater than that. And I pray that we as Christians can remember this. I pray that this peace settles in our hearts and as we begin to live in it, it begins to spread. There is NOTHING that can take His peace away from us.
In closing, I am going to leave you with the lyrics from Hillsong's song With Everything. The have been playing through my head recently and I think that it is a prayer we can all be praying.
Open our eyes
To see the things that make Your heart cry
To be the church that You would desire
Your light to be seen
To see the things that make Your heart cry
To be the church that You would desire
Your light to be seen
Break down our pride
And all the walls we've built up inside
Our earthly crowns and all our desires
We lay at Your feet
And all the walls we've built up inside
Our earthly crowns and all our desires
We lay at Your feet
So let hope rise and darkness tremble
In Your holy light
That every eye will see Jesus our God
Great and mighty to be praised
In Your holy light
That every eye will see Jesus our God
Great and mighty to be praised
God of all days
Glorious in all of Your ways
The majesty the wonder and grace
In the light of Your Name
Glorious in all of Your ways
The majesty the wonder and grace
In the light of Your Name
Let hope rise and darkness tremble
In Your holy light
That every eye will see Jesus our God
Great and mighty to be praised
In Your holy light
That every eye will see Jesus our God
Great and mighty to be praised
With everything, with everything
We will shout for Your glory
With everything, with everything
We will shout forth Your praise
We will shout for Your glory
With everything, with everything
We will shout forth Your praise
With everything, with everything
We will shout for Your glory
With everything, with everything
We will shout forth Your praise
We will shout for Your glory
With everything, with everything
We will shout forth Your praise
Our hearts they cry, be glorified
Be lifted high above all names
For You our King with everything
We will shout forth Your praise
Be lifted high above all names
For You our King with everything
We will shout forth Your praise
With everything, with everything
We will shout for Your glory
With everything, with everything
We will shout forth Your praise
We will shout for Your glory
With everything, with everything
We will shout forth Your praise
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Late night thoughts
I started to fall asleep tonight, but apparently my mind has too many thoughts and I need to write them and process them. That was a great run on sentence. This last week, the photographer from Humans of New York has been interviewing refugees. If you don't know what Humans of New York is, I would encourage you to check it out because it is awesome. This guy takes a picture of a person and writes a part of their life story. It's really neat to see people from all walks of life, all over the world, and you realize through the pictures that they aren't that much different than you. I love it. But back to what this post is really about... My broken heart.
God has blessed me with a very caring heart. He has given me great amounts of compassion and mercy. I care so much, sometimes too much. And I was well aware of that fact this week while I was reading Humans of New York. Like I mentioned, he is focusing on refugees. These refugees are coming from the areas where ISIS is over taking. The stories that they tell are heart breaking. The things that they have endured and gone through literally bring tears to your eyes. These people have nothing, they risk everything to start over. They leave one hard life to begin another and they lose so much on the way. And this is breaking my heart. And I don't think I can even put it into words. Because it's not just this are that breaks my heart. The world breaks my heart. Evil is running rampant on this earth. It's here in America. It's in Africa. It's in Asia. It's everywhere. And I want to change the world. I wish I had a magic fairy wand that I could use to make the evil disappear.
And while I was thinking about the evil in our world, I thought of the good that we have to overcome it. We have authority in Christ to drive out evil. We have authority in Christ to declare peace to the chaos, healing to the brokeness and light to the darkness. And I wonder why we aren't accessing that power?! Why are we as Christians just praying occasionally about an issue and thinking it will go away? Why aren't we fighting evil? It's not going to go away on it's own. It's just going to keep growing and growing. I'm not okay with that.
I don't have a point to this post. It really was just serving as a place for me to try and work through some of the thoughts in my head. I'm overwhelmed with sadness and the feeling of helplessness. I want to do so much for the Kingdom and I don't know where to begin. PlEase join me in praying against the evil in our world. Pray that our world, and our nation specifically, would turn back to Jesus. Those are like. Fourth of my thoughts tonight.
God has blessed me with a very caring heart. He has given me great amounts of compassion and mercy. I care so much, sometimes too much. And I was well aware of that fact this week while I was reading Humans of New York. Like I mentioned, he is focusing on refugees. These refugees are coming from the areas where ISIS is over taking. The stories that they tell are heart breaking. The things that they have endured and gone through literally bring tears to your eyes. These people have nothing, they risk everything to start over. They leave one hard life to begin another and they lose so much on the way. And this is breaking my heart. And I don't think I can even put it into words. Because it's not just this are that breaks my heart. The world breaks my heart. Evil is running rampant on this earth. It's here in America. It's in Africa. It's in Asia. It's everywhere. And I want to change the world. I wish I had a magic fairy wand that I could use to make the evil disappear.
And while I was thinking about the evil in our world, I thought of the good that we have to overcome it. We have authority in Christ to drive out evil. We have authority in Christ to declare peace to the chaos, healing to the brokeness and light to the darkness. And I wonder why we aren't accessing that power?! Why are we as Christians just praying occasionally about an issue and thinking it will go away? Why aren't we fighting evil? It's not going to go away on it's own. It's just going to keep growing and growing. I'm not okay with that.
I don't have a point to this post. It really was just serving as a place for me to try and work through some of the thoughts in my head. I'm overwhelmed with sadness and the feeling of helplessness. I want to do so much for the Kingdom and I don't know where to begin. PlEase join me in praying against the evil in our world. Pray that our world, and our nation specifically, would turn back to Jesus. Those are like. Fourth of my thoughts tonight.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
A Thank You to my Dad
I have the greatest dad in the world (I have the greatest mom too, but her post will come later). Seriously you guys, I consider my dad to be one of my best friends. And in many aspects, I am his mini me. Sometimes I say something and immediately I am like, "Hey that's something my dad would say." I love him a lot because he is silly. I am going to be honest, sometimes I have no idea what he is talking about, but he just always makes me smile. And he works really hard for our family. He still supports me, even though I am an adult and I should be like off doing adult things and instead I just lay in bed and watch Netflix and question what I am going to do with my life. And he pushes me to keep seeking the Lord for answers and to keep running towards the calling in my life.
So here is to my dad, thank you for being incredible. Thank you for teaching me how to fish and for taking me hunting that one time even though I destroyed any chance of you actually getting a duck. Thank you for watching Netflix with me and for watching Arrested Development with me and supporting my decision to become a magician or join ARMY to win trophies. Thank you for sharing your knowledge of the world with me. I understand why I have such a love for knowing random facts, because you are the king of facts. Thanks for loving me unconditional, even when I mess up or I act like a weirdo. You are such a great example of a Godly man, thanks for giving me an example of a good moral scale to measure any future boyfriends. Thanks for fixing my car when I have no idea what I am doing, and for teaching me how to add windshield washer fluid so I know how to do at least on thing. Thanks for making me delicious grilled cheese sandwiches and perfect popcorn. Thank you for helping me grow up into a confident young lady who loves Jesus with her whole heart. Thanks for editing my blog and for always being honest about where I can improve, and even what I am doing well. You really are the best daddy, even when I have no idea what you are doing and I kinda give you that stare that makes me look as confused as America looks every time Donald Trump says something confusing. You are awesome. Keep being awesome.
So here is to my dad, thank you for being incredible. Thank you for teaching me how to fish and for taking me hunting that one time even though I destroyed any chance of you actually getting a duck. Thank you for watching Netflix with me and for watching Arrested Development with me and supporting my decision to become a magician or join ARMY to win trophies. Thank you for sharing your knowledge of the world with me. I understand why I have such a love for knowing random facts, because you are the king of facts. Thanks for loving me unconditional, even when I mess up or I act like a weirdo. You are such a great example of a Godly man, thanks for giving me an example of a good moral scale to measure any future boyfriends. Thanks for fixing my car when I have no idea what I am doing, and for teaching me how to add windshield washer fluid so I know how to do at least on thing. Thanks for making me delicious grilled cheese sandwiches and perfect popcorn. Thank you for helping me grow up into a confident young lady who loves Jesus with her whole heart. Thanks for editing my blog and for always being honest about where I can improve, and even what I am doing well. You really are the best daddy, even when I have no idea what you are doing and I kinda give you that stare that makes me look as confused as America looks every time Donald Trump says something confusing. You are awesome. Keep being awesome.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
I am home
It has been almost 24 hours since I have come home and its time to share with everyone the roller coaster of emotions that I have been feeling. To begin, you will notice that I am back to posting on The Joyful Little Cupcake. I am home now, my Honduran adventure has been put on pause, its time to go back to the blog that started it all.
After a lot of prayer, and a whole lot of sickness, I decided that it was time for me to come home. It was the hardest decision that I have had to make. I was really sick when I finally decided, and I was so scared that I was making this decision based only on how I was physically feeling. That wasn't the case though. I was missing school. I felt like I couldn't move some days. I was not functioning. I lost a lot of control over my body. I felt weak and broken. It was really hard. Being sick is never easy, but being sick while also living overseas is more difficult. And so I prayed, and I prayed and I prayed. And in my prayers, I knew that Jesus was okay with me coming home. He gave me peace. I knew in my heart and my head that going home was the best decision for me. My mom came down to pick my up, and we made in home last night.
It is Thursday and I have been home for about 24 hours now. I love my house. I love Michiana. I just love the USA. And I cannot explain to you how happy I feel to be home. But there is a lot of sadness in my heart, coming home was difficult. It is hard to leave a place that you love so much. Leaving friends and friends that are like family is one of the most challenging things.
I am going to get super honest now. I just need to lay it all out there.
I am disappointed in myself and there have been many moments where I feel like I have failed. Honduras is my dream. Loving and serving the people of Honduras is all I have wanted to do since I was 17. And that is why I feel like leaving is me acknowledging that I have failed. I know in my head that I have no control over sickness. I know that I will be going back. I know that God can still use me in the US, I know all of this. But there are many times that I feel like maybe I gave up too soon, or maybe if I had just prayed a little harder, or tried to push my body just a little bit further I could have made it. I know in my head that if I had pushed myself any farther I would have only become sicker. It is still hard to accept that it is okay that I am home. And I know that over the next few weeks I will have to work through those feelings.
I am scared that I will lose who I am when I am in Honduras. I wish that I could explain to you how different I am when I am in Honduras. I wish you all could see it. Because the Charlotte in Honduras is the real Charlotte. It's not that I am hiding the real me when I am in the United States, its just different. I can't explain it. I feel so free in Honduras. I feel happier, I feel more energy, I am more confident. And more importantly than every thing that I feel while I am in Honduras, I experience the presence of the Lord in ways that blow my mind. There are times when I feel like God himself is physically in the same room as me. I feel the Holy Spirit more. I dance and I sing more during worship. And it is all real. There is no trying to create an atmosphere for the Holy Spirit to show up, because He is already there. I feel freedom to be EXACTLY, PERFECTLY, 100% who God created me to when I am in Honduras. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose the incredible faith that I have gained. And I am praying that God really opens my eyes to see Him here in America, like I see Him in Honduras.
I am still really sick friends. I honestly have never felt this terrible. And I am not writing this part for sympathy. I just feel like it needs to be explained. My body is so weak and tired and sick. But my spirit and my soul feel strong.They feel peace and they feel good. And even as miserable as I am, I am using that strength in my spirit to display joy. God can heal me, and I will get better. In the meantime though, I am going to continue to feed my spirit and believe that day by day, God is going to build that up and use it for His glory.
And now, I must say goodnight. I will see you all soon friends. I am home to recover, I am home to rest.
After a lot of prayer, and a whole lot of sickness, I decided that it was time for me to come home. It was the hardest decision that I have had to make. I was really sick when I finally decided, and I was so scared that I was making this decision based only on how I was physically feeling. That wasn't the case though. I was missing school. I felt like I couldn't move some days. I was not functioning. I lost a lot of control over my body. I felt weak and broken. It was really hard. Being sick is never easy, but being sick while also living overseas is more difficult. And so I prayed, and I prayed and I prayed. And in my prayers, I knew that Jesus was okay with me coming home. He gave me peace. I knew in my heart and my head that going home was the best decision for me. My mom came down to pick my up, and we made in home last night.
It is Thursday and I have been home for about 24 hours now. I love my house. I love Michiana. I just love the USA. And I cannot explain to you how happy I feel to be home. But there is a lot of sadness in my heart, coming home was difficult. It is hard to leave a place that you love so much. Leaving friends and friends that are like family is one of the most challenging things.
I am going to get super honest now. I just need to lay it all out there.
I am disappointed in myself and there have been many moments where I feel like I have failed. Honduras is my dream. Loving and serving the people of Honduras is all I have wanted to do since I was 17. And that is why I feel like leaving is me acknowledging that I have failed. I know in my head that I have no control over sickness. I know that I will be going back. I know that God can still use me in the US, I know all of this. But there are many times that I feel like maybe I gave up too soon, or maybe if I had just prayed a little harder, or tried to push my body just a little bit further I could have made it. I know in my head that if I had pushed myself any farther I would have only become sicker. It is still hard to accept that it is okay that I am home. And I know that over the next few weeks I will have to work through those feelings.
I am scared that I will lose who I am when I am in Honduras. I wish that I could explain to you how different I am when I am in Honduras. I wish you all could see it. Because the Charlotte in Honduras is the real Charlotte. It's not that I am hiding the real me when I am in the United States, its just different. I can't explain it. I feel so free in Honduras. I feel happier, I feel more energy, I am more confident. And more importantly than every thing that I feel while I am in Honduras, I experience the presence of the Lord in ways that blow my mind. There are times when I feel like God himself is physically in the same room as me. I feel the Holy Spirit more. I dance and I sing more during worship. And it is all real. There is no trying to create an atmosphere for the Holy Spirit to show up, because He is already there. I feel freedom to be EXACTLY, PERFECTLY, 100% who God created me to when I am in Honduras. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose the incredible faith that I have gained. And I am praying that God really opens my eyes to see Him here in America, like I see Him in Honduras.
I am still really sick friends. I honestly have never felt this terrible. And I am not writing this part for sympathy. I just feel like it needs to be explained. My body is so weak and tired and sick. But my spirit and my soul feel strong.They feel peace and they feel good. And even as miserable as I am, I am using that strength in my spirit to display joy. God can heal me, and I will get better. In the meantime though, I am going to continue to feed my spirit and believe that day by day, God is going to build that up and use it for His glory.
And now, I must say goodnight. I will see you all soon friends. I am home to recover, I am home to rest.
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