Fear is lost in all YOU are.

Wow. What an unbelievable night I had tonight. It was one of those earth shaking, mountain moving experiences that God seems to use to grab my attention and hold me dear. I am a fearful person, I dread the unknown, I become anxious over things that I have no control over. Tonight it hit me that while I stand and say: Here I am, send me, part of me holds back. The part that fears the unknown. God has called me to be a missionary and confirmed it time and time again. I always doubt that He actually knows what He is doing, its a horrible flaw. Tonight though I got delivered from that.

My parents and I went to Voice Ministries tonight. They go most Tuesday evenings, its a place to worship and just be in the presence of God. And most Tuesdays I stay at home and no doubt probably stay on the computer all night. But tonight I decided to go and the topic was healing. Now anyone who actually knows me, knows that I have had a few physical ailments... :) So as soon as the speaker began to tell her miraculous story about how God healed her physical pain, I thought, Yea, maybe tonight is the night that my knee stops hurting, or maybe my stomach aches will be gone forever. And so she kept talking, and I kept listening. At the end of the meeting, anyone who wanted prayer for healing was called up, and I went. It took me a few minutes of standing at the alter to remember that healing isn't always just about the physical things. Sometimes we need spiritual healing too. Sometimes I need spiritual healing. So we waited to be prayed over and a man came up. Here is what I basically felt.

• I had a peace
• I realized that I was afraid. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do what God has called me today. I was afraid that I couldn't be my best for Him or that I would fail at being a missionary for Him.
• I was afraid that I wasn't the woman that He wanted to be. 

The man who prayed over me addressed all of my fears. Everything I have been anxious about seems to have an answer. I am the woman that God created me to be. The best days are coming, but the best days are also here and now. I don't need to fear the future, failure, unknown things, what I'll be doing, who I'll marry, or anything at all. God has a plan for my life and He called me to jump on board with Him and change the world. So here We go and you're welcome to come along. 

 And tonight when I got home and began to process everything, 2 songs popped into my mind. They take the words right out of my mouth so here are the lyrics:

Surrender
Marc James

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you
And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross 
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss 
For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain 

To the ends of the Earth

Hillsong

Lyrics:
Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all you are

And I would give the world to tell you're story 
'Cause I know that you've called me
I know that you've called me
I've lost myself for good within your promise
And I won't hide it
I won't hide it 

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go, to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God

i look good for me and my (girl) friends

I wish that I could post a giant neon sign above every city in the world to tell girls how truly and perfectly beautiful they are. I get so frustrated with girls who try everything to be "beautiful" and try to attract guys based on how they look on the outside. If those are the kind of guys you want go for it. I would rather be liked for what I have to offer on the inside. I think that every girl should focus on looking her best, but not to impress guys. She should do it to feel good about herself and reflect what she has to offer on the inside. Being a cosmetologist I do think that it is important to look put together, like you take care of yourself. I don't  think it takes loads of makeup, hours in the tanning bed or hundreds of dollars spent on hair care products to be beautiful. Take what you have an enhance it.

So here is my message to every young single girl in the world (including the middle school girls who want a boyfriend)

Don's use your looks to try and get guys. Shine the incredible personality that you have to offer. Don't worry about what guys thing anyway. Just look good for you and your (girl) friends.

A few things I have learned...

A few things I have learned about myself, God and life...

Over the past few weeks I have slowly seen myself slipping back into my old ways... Life became mundane instead of something wonderful to experience, my relationship with Christ seemed to be crumbling and I didn't seem to mind and I was good at saying all the right things to make people happy...

But I feel empty inside. Hollow. And I knew why, but it seemed like too much work to try and fix it. I keep telling myself... things will change once you get to college... just have fun. Well the problem is things need to change now. I can't keep waiting for the future to fix my issues because it only makes  them larger and harder to fix. Then I remember that I can't fix anything... Only He can. In my heart I know He is beginning to change me, but I'm too busy living for myself to let it happen.

Then this morning I had a wake up call... I'm living for myself, I'm having "fun," but I still don't feel fulfilled and satisfied. I know that something is missing. Something major. So this morning as I'm curling my hair I started to play worship music... something that I haven't done in a really long time. And as I am standing there listening to the music, I closed my eyes and I just released myself into His love and I worshiped Him. I literally had one had raised and the other on my curling iron. And I found what I have been missing.

When I was in Honduras, Elsa told me that I knew what my calling was, but until I was ready to fulfill it, I just needed to worship Him, worship Him, worship Him.

Here's the life lesson that I learned today.... It doesn't matter how far away I am running from my Savoir when I turn and run back to Him, He is waiting with His arms wide open, just waiting to hold me and shower His love down onto me.

So here I stand with arms high and my heart abandoned. Here I am Lord. I am Yours. Use me. Send me. I will go.

Micah 6:8

Untitled.

Sometimes I wish that I was back in kindergarten, swinging on the swings and reading Junie B. Jones books. Here's the reality, I am not a little girl anymore. I have to grow up. I thought I had it all figured out, but I'm scared now. I don't want to be in America anymore, and I don't want to be stuck in this same routine that seems to control my life. I want more.  

So tell me what you want

I love summer. The pool, the beach, and especially the great times with friends. This summer I have the great opportunity of working my first job! And it is great! I have the wonderful joy of spending my summer days with four of the coolest kids in Indiana... maybe the world!!

But with summer comes a lot of down time and a lot of time to think. I was just thinking today how incredibly blessed I am. My mom called me tonight and told me that a huge prayer for my future has been answered which is really exciting. And tonight I get to hang out with my wonderful family. In two weeks I will become an adult and celebrate my graduation. As scary as this world seems, I am so excited for what the future holds.

Who knows what I'll become or who I will be?

But Im going to start by being myself. My crazy, humorous, and unique self.

The day after graduation

So I graduated yesterday which brings about a lot of emotions. For one, I can't believe that I actually did it. There were so many tears shed over the past four years that I have been at Memorial High School. Along with the tears, there were laughs and many good memories were made. I am not worried at all for my future. I know that God has everything under control and I think I just need to trust Him in His direction for me life. I am so blessed to be where I am today and I am so blessed to have been raised the way I am.

I think the most exciting thing about graduating is the fact that I know that I finished something that at times was hard, uncomfortable and very challenging. I think the most exciting thing is knowing that I have opened a huge door to my future and now, holding my Father's hand I am going to step into the incredible things that He has planned for me. I am not certain what that holds. But I cannot wait!!

Yay Graduation!

Lets close this chapter!

Today closes a huge chapter in my life. One that I am thankful I will never have to revisit. I am official done with High School. Sunday I will walk across that stage, and receive a piece of paper that says I have survived 4 years or horror... no it wasn't that bad. I guess that everyone gets a little sappy and sentimental when they graduate and I am no different. I have grown into a young woman over these past few years. I know that I still have much more growing to do, but I am proud where I am now.

Tonight I decided to get out the box that holds every thing important from preschool to the end of my senior year. I got quite a few laughs at myself :) But I realized tonight how perfectly and wonderfully God has created me. I have been given many gifts from Him. One gift in particular is my ability to articulate words and put them together in such a fashion to create a piece of art. I think I have been writing since I could hold a pen. Reading everything I wrote as a child makes me appreciate my teachers and my parents for pushing me to be creative and to let my creativity flow onto paper. I love to write. For me writing is a way to express myself. I hope that I never lose that passion.

As i lay my head down on my pillow tonight, I am going to say a huge prayer of blessing over everyone that helped me become the person I am today. I am so blessed to have the life I have. Sometimes I literally feel the love surrounding me. So here is my thank you to my wonderful parents, Susan and Roger who have raised me in a home that is a true likeness of the person of Jesus. They pushed me harder than anyone else and I would not be here today with out them :) Thank you to my little sister, Claire for being a constant friend, confident and comedian in my life. I have been blessed with the coolest little sister ever!! Many thanks to my Grandma and Grandpa Walterhouse and my Nanny and Papaw Beals, to my aunts, uncles and cousins, to all my pastors, Sunday school teachers and youth leaders and to my very best and true friends!

Words can not begin to describe the emotions that are in my heart tonight. I am so blessed.

<3 Char