Stuff on my Mind

I do not like to write in a journal. I like to type things out and watch the word fills the blank screen. So today my blog gets to be my journal. I was struggling with being single today. I guess when you see cutesie couples around you everyday, there is a part of you that longs for that too. So as I was sitting in my bed being single, I decided to turn on my music and listen to worship music. Ironically enough the first song that came on was a song called "the fathers song." These beautiful lyrics paint a picture about how much God, our Father, loves us. Its one of those songs that I can listen to a million times and I love it even more and more each time.

As I was listening to this song, God reminded me why I am single right now. He reminded me that He has the perfect guy for me waiting. And until He is ready to send Him, I need to wait as well. Patience is one of the fruits of the spirit that I really struggle with. I hate waiting. Especially for something that I know is going to be so wonderful. I was also reminded that being in a relationship won't fix any of my problems, or take away lonely or sad feelings. God was trying to teach me that the love I will one day invest in another person needs to be invested right now. That love can't go anywhere else, because it isn't the right time.. You can't give all your love to a person. It is impossible, but I feel like we expect someone to do that for us. We can't really truly love others until we first love the One who created us. I needed to learn that lesson today.

As my thoughts flow now, I am not thinking about how single I am. My thoughts are about how much my Savior loves me and how much I love Him and they blend together to make a beautiful song.

I am at an exciting point in my life. I am still young, but I am being transformed into a woman of God. He is maturing me and preparing me for the work that He has for me. He is laying out a plan of the places that He is going to send me. I no longer fear the future, in fact I want to run towards it with all my might and embrace whatever lays ahead.

My other thoughts are on break. My goodness how I need this break! I went home tonight because sometimes even grown ups need a big hug from their mom and dad. So I went home and I was reminded, as I am every time, how much I miss being home. I love Bethel, don't get me wrong, but I walked into my room and I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and SHALOM. I desire peace in my life. I long to sit with my Savior and rest in His peace.

I am also in pain. I don't like to talk about my pain because at most times it feels like it holds me back from reaching my full potential. Then I remember how God can use the broken, the wounded and the hurt. Despite physical aliments, God can us whomever He chooses to use. And not only that, but God will heal me. He says that it is by His stripes that we are healed! So if God chooses to intervene and heal my legs in a supernatural way, then YAY JESUS! but if He chooses to use the wisdom of a doctor, then so be it. But my pain can no longer be a hindrance from living my life. '

An attitude can flavor any situation in life, I chose to live with a positive and joyful attitude. I am going to close with a prayer.

God, You know the desires of my heart. I come before you tonight asking not for what I want, but rather what you want. Please open my eyes to what you desire me to see. Give me wisdom and clarity in dealing with situations that come up in my life. Please be my rock and my fortress. I am yours Lord. Use me how you so chose. In Jesus' name, Char