I suppose that you of all people will understand why a sophisticated person such as myself is afraid of the dark. I suppose my fear of the dark started in the summer of 95 when my family decided to take a camping trip to the smokey mountains. This wasn't our normal summer road trip... But we were all ready for the adventure. Everything was perfectly fine, we had a nice campfire, the stars were gorgeous, and I had made the perfect marshmallow. You know how the night air really does me in though. I decided to hit the hay before everyone else. Being the youngest, I crawled into my new Blue's Clues sleeping bag, said my prayers and prepared for bed. Sometime after I fell asleep, I awoke to the strangest sensation in my toes. I sat up with a jerk of my head, and found myself peering into the eyes of a demonic, red eyed bunny rabbit. "Get out of here!" I screamed at the fluffy minion trying to devour me. However, it turns out demonic rabbits are apparently fueled by fear, and the screams of tiny children. It was very hard to tell exactly what had happened next because it was so dark to see, but I think the rabbit grew ten times in size and my screech must have summoned more red eyed, blood thirsty rabbits because they begin tearing through my tent eager to sink their buck tooth fangs into my limbs. Luckily I am a fast thinker and grabbed the closest weapon to me, which happened to be my blankie. I didn't waste anytime tying that blankie into a lasso. I began to wrangle all the fluffy flesh feasters into a sleeping bag before tossing it into the lake by our tent. Satisfied with myself, I turned to walk back to the tent when a giant man eating raccoon charged towards me. I tried to fight it off with my blankie, but it would not suffice. I was soon in a wresting match with the only woodland creature I truly despised. We rolled, and clawed, and bit, and scratched for what seemed like hours and finally he over powered me. I curled into a ball to meet the ultimate destruction: death by coon. I blacked out and I saw the light.
I opened my eyes, fully prepared to see the Pearly White Gates attended to by Peter, but I was shocked to find myself staring at the light streaming in the tent. It was in perfect condition. Not only had the coon not killed me, I was in perfectly good health. I ran out of the tent to check the damage of the rabid bunnies, but nothing was there. I told my family of the travesty, but they only laughed and insisted it was a bad dream. I laughed too as we packed up our camping equipment into the car. We all piled in and headed toward the exit. As we were leaving, I turned to see 29 red eyed bunnies popping their heads out from under the misty water of the lake. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, it had to have been a hallucination. When I looked, a giant raccoon sat, his mouth dripping with red juice that resembled blood. He seemed to be mouthing the word soon, he gave his snarky coon grin. I never wend camping again and you better believe that I always sleep with a light on at night.
SOON.
No comments:
Post a Comment