March 25, 2013

I need to blog about my day, because it has been one of the single most confusing days of my life. It was cold, and I woke up, and I didn't want to get out of bed at all. But somehow, God gave me the will power to do so.

Today was hard on me physically and mentally. I was in a lot of pain, and the lack of pain medicine made it worse. By the time class was over, I was hurting so bad, I had no idea how I would make it the rest of the day. I went out to eat at Red Lobster and ended up crying into my popcorn shrimp! Yea, I was a mess.

Then I went to class. I have to be honest, at times I despise the class. I love the teacher, and the people in the class, but our discussions get so philosophical and confusing that I can hardly follow. So I was dreading going to class.

Luckily, Jesus had my back, as he always does, and it was one of the greatest classes I have ever had. Ever.

Its an English class. I just switched my major to English. Just English. And lets be honest, it isn't a degree with a specific job, like a doctor. And even though I love English, I have struggled with my decision. Like what in the world am I going to do when I graduate.

See my dream job doesn't really have a major. I want to serve Jesus. And to be honest, I have no idea what He wants me to do. I feel like there are a million possibilities  I know that as long as I am willing to serve Him, he is going to provide for me. I try not to worry. And I figure that since His plan for my life is still unknown to me, Why not major in something that I love. God can use my gifts and talents, so if I am building upon my gifts and talents, He can use them. That is why I am majoring in English, not because I think it is a major that will make me megabucks, but because at this time in my life, I know this is where God wants me. And come whatever may, I will do whatever He calls me to do.

I was constantly reminded tonight that God is always closer than He seems. He picked me up this evening, and He carried me through the rest of the day. He sent my friends who love me, to listen to me, and love me in the midst of a bad day. He restored my passion and excitement for life and he keeps reminding me this is just a period that I have to walk through. I know though that as soon as I get through this, He is going to use me in a way that I have never dreamed possible. I am blessed. To life I say, come at me bro, the Lord is my helper, I will not fear, What can man do to me.

Happy Birthday Claire!

I have the greatest little sister in the world. She is better than flowers or chocolate and all of my Barbies combined.

Today she is turning sixteen years old! Thats right....16!!!!! How crazy is that (actually I don't think it is all that crazy but aren't people like obligated to be stunned by the age of their loved ones every year?)

I wanted to dedicate this post to my favorite person in the world (sorry other people. besides you Mom and Dad. You are tied with Claire too).

I was very excited the first time I met Claire. Though I vaguely remember it. I do remember how tiny her little fingernails were, and I wanted to paint them. My parents tell me that I told the nurses to be carefully with Claire because "she's fragile."

Claire was a cute child. She had adorable little chubby cheeks! She even began her love of art at a young age when she colored on herself with permanent markers while we were moving. And Of course I thought she was fabulous or I would have never put a bunch of stickers on her when she was a baby.

I loved growing up with Claire, even though we would fight a lot. But honestly that stuff doesn't even matter in the long run of life. People used to tell me that your sister becomes your best friend, and I used to think that people were crazy because in my mind, Claire and I would never be best friends. But it's really true.

Claire is my very best friend in the whole wide world. She makes me laugh like no one else. She knows exactly what to say to me when I am having a rough day. She has a beautiful heart for her friends and loved ones. She can make anyone laugh! I love her very much! I love her outgoing and talkative personality, I love her imagination and her creativity, I love her boldness and her decisiveness. Claire is one of a kind and I am so grateful for that!!

So have a great birthday Claire! You are so special to me! I am blessed to be your older sister!!

A very sad story...

My favorite socks ripped today.

Completely torn. 

Now I know that you may not understand why this is such a big deal, but these were not a normal pair of socks. They were the greatest pair of socks in the whole wide world. 

Let me share the story of these socks. 

I went to Chicago with my friends one day. It was a beautiful day and I had the greatest pair of shoes on. I loved those shoes. But favoring looks over comfort, I didn't wear any socks with my shoes. 

We walked into Forever 21 and I was like "Hey, I should get some socks cuz I have blisters and my pretty sure my ankles were bleeding." So I started to look for some socks. And I found the perfect pair. It was love at first sight (not romantic love, but the kind of love that only one very unique girl could share with the most perfect kind of socks.) 

They were white anklets. With brown owls and hot pink hearts. I thought there could be nothing more perfect than that pair of socks. Of course I bought them, and I put them on right away! I loved those socks. 

But that is not the pair of socks that ripped today. Those were my second favorite pair of socks. I loved the white socks so much that I wanted to get another pair (again, please keep in mind that I am crazy.) 

I went to the Forever 21 here in Mishawaka with a mission to find another pair of white socks with brown owls and hot pink hearts. You can imagine my surprise though (okay actually you probably can't because right now you are thinking about how strange I am and why you are even reading a blog post about a crazy girls unusual love of socks.) when I found a more perfect pair of socks. 

I thought they were the cutest thing ever. I had never seen anything like them. Ever. They were grey anklets. With black owls and light pink hearts. A more perfect sock has never existed. Naturally I bought them and I have loved them every day since

I don't think that socks have the ability to change a person's mood, so these socks were clearly magical because I was always so happy when I wore them. When I would go to physical therapy after my surgery, I always wanted those socks to be clean because they were my favorite pair. I would stare at them and smile at how happy they made my feet. Even when I was crying because physical therapy hurts. 

So now that you have endured my bizarre ramblings about my favorite pair of socks, I wish you all a good day. I hope that one day you too can experience the deep level of joy that the perfect pair of socks can bring. For the record I will totally be returning to Forever 21 to browse their sock selections. 

When

I have realized over the last few days that I ask one question a lot: When.

I like to have things planned. I am very bad with spur the moment or changed plans. I like to know what I am doing, when I am doing it, and where I am doing it. When plans change, it is one of the hardest things for me to deal with.

I have really had a hard time at college, I am going to be honest with you. I know that college is a time of growing and maturing into a respectable adult who can enter the work force, and have a career. I don't like college. I like my friends, and I like my professors, but I don't like the idea of college. I don't even know what God wants me to do. I have changed my major 4 times, and I am planning on doing it again. And I just want to ask when is it going to be clear to me?

Its a really good thing that God is bigger than me. And that He has all the power. And control of my life. Honestly if I was running my life the way I wanted to, I would probably be rocking back and fourth in a corner somewhere crying! (thats a true story and a pretty ugly visual haha)

Friends tonight I realized something, and it is something that I have discovered over and over again. Sometimes when we are in an absolute low point in our life, God can really show up and show us how great He is. I love that.

My absolute favorite lyrics in a worship song are: Sweetly Broken, Wholly Surrendered. When we are broken, and when life has just completely weighed us down, we have no choice but to surrender everything we are to the Lord.

And sometimes it is okay for us to be at our absolute whits end, as long as we don't stay there.
When.

Its a question God is always willing to answer, but its on His time

What i think about

 When I am not singing Disney songs, I like to think about stuff.

I think about socks, like an abnormal amount. I love socks a lot because they never have to match the rest of your outfit.

I also think about hello kitty. and bubbles and how fun it would be to have hello kitty bubbles.

I think about my little sister a lot and how much I miss her day to day.

Sometimes I think about breathing and how cool it is. But its so simple, only it is really complex.

90% of my brain in full of movie quotes. I think about them a lot and then I laugh because sometimes they are really funny! Then people look at me like I am weird.

But I don't care what people think.

Occasionally I wonder what it would be like to be a super hero! I think I would like to have the power to read minds. Only not all the time, just selectively. Or fly because walking is boring and sometimes I don't enjoy it. My superhero name would be nerd girl because nerd glasses are cool.

I think about cake sometimes too. I like cake.

Sometimes I think about not thinking. And then I realize that I am thinking but thinking about not thinking even though I am trying not to think.

When I look at my hands I think about how much prettier my nails are with paint on them.

Let's be honest, I think about my hair a lot. I mean it is just so close to my brain that it is hard not to think about it.

I think about future stories that I want to write too.

That's what I think about a lot.

Too Quickly Forgotten

My how incredible is the God that we serve? Do you ever just sit in silence and just marvel at how great our God is? I think that I have forgotten that the past few weeks. It is easy for me to worship God, and pour out my heart to Him, but often times I just forget how insanely incredible He is. 

This weekend my cousin, Kara, and I went up and stayed with our grandparents in MI (and we totally didn't get lost on the drive up there which is kind of a miracle in and of its self. Tthough if we had gotten lost, I was totally ready to ration off my fruit snacks so we could survive :)). And while we were visiting them, we watched this History Channel presentation of the Bible, the OT to be specific. I have mixed feeling about the Old Testament. The history lover inside of me absolutely loves it, and the other part of me often wonders why God was the way He was in the OT. I mean if you think about it, He did some pretty incredible things (i.e. parting the red sea, giving Abraham a son, the burning bush, winning like a million and ten battles). God is like a pretty cool guy... He has this incredible power. Then there is another part to God that sometimes confuses me. Sometimes He seems harsh. (You know, He did save a bunch of people from dying as slaves in Egypt, so yeah He really did want them to follow Him and obey Him. I'm just saying, He totally deserved it at the very least). The same God who destroyed an entire city, Sodom and Gomorrah (I guess it's really 2 cities) is the exact same God who watched over a little Hebrew baby floating in a basket. Isn't our God incredible?! 

This past week has been really difficult. I am trying to adjust to the pain that I have had for about a week. I realized tonight how frustrated and mad I am. I have lived with constant knee pain since I was in fifth grade, and even before that, my feet and ankles were already in pain. I have struggled with this pain, knowing that God can heal me. Knowing that He is going to heal me. But in the midst of my frustration and even anger at still being in pain, I remembered that this is how God is shaping me. He isn't finished building me and growing me and transforming me into who He wants me to be. 

Its very easy for me to forget sometimes that God is walking through this with me. I am at a time in my life when I feel so far from Christ, I feel lost in my walk with Him. Life recently has been a waiting period, and if you know me, you know that I am not very patient. And because of this time in my life, I have too quickly forgotten that our God is awesome God (see what I did there?! For old times sake)

I am reminded tonight of two verses. The first verse comes from Hebrews 13:5-God has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." This verse was so encouraging to me today. Even though it feels like I am miles and miles from my Savior, I know that He is right next to me. He is holding my hand, and He keeps giving me the strength to push on towards His plan that He has for me. It is so reassuring to know that nothing I ever do will ever separate me from our powerful God. 

The second verse comes from Psalms 139:14-I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Your works are excellent, I know that full well. It is one of my favorite verses because it holds one of the prettiest truths in it. I am wonderfully made. God did not mess up when He made me who I am. He created me wonderfully. He created each of us wonderfully. And He isn't done shaping us. I so needed to be reminded of this. He has a plan and a purpose for my life, and for everyone's and it is so incredible to think about. 

I am so anxious to see what God has for me after my surgery. He can use me now, there is no doubt in my mind. I am just so excited how He chooses to use the fixed Charlotte. 

And now my dear friends, I leave you with a challenge. Some time during your busy day, take a break and sit in the presence of Jesus. Take a moment to think of how awesome our God is. Maybe you could think of the way He showed His perfect power in the OT, or how He revealed Himself through miracles in the OT. Maybe He has done, or he is doing, an incredible work in your life. Wherever you see His might, praise Him for that. Bless His name. Worship Him. We serve an incredible Creator who deserves all of our heart, and all of our mind, and all of our strength. And please remember that even when you feel miles and miles from the heart of God, He is closer to you than you think. He has created you for a purpose. 

10,000 reasons continued:

19. His wonderful signs of POWER in the OT. 

20. His perfect plan, for not only me, but for each of us. 

21. His ever constant presence. 

22. His mind blowing, earth shaking, mountain moving power and might. 

23. The ability to worship Him. 

24. His healing hand! (Even when it isn't on my terms, which lets face it, the Creator of the world has WAY better plans than me!)

25. The voice of the Holy Spirit that can be heard in our lives. 

Slipping and Sliding into Spring

Well friends it has certainly been an interesting week. I am glad that it is finally over!  Where do I begin my story? How about on Monday!

Monday morning I was washing my face, when an evil exfoliate bead decided to camp out under my eyelid... I went through my normal day until about 4:30, when my eye decided to start swelling and stinging. My grandma rushed me into the eye doctor, who was able to safely remove the bead. But man it hurt.

So, you think my excitement would end there. You would be wrong. Tuesday morning started out like every Tuesday morning. I was happily on my way to class, in my full leg brace I might add, and low and behold tragedy struck. My foot, adorned in my favorite sparkle shoes, managed to slip on the one and only small patch of slush outside my classroom building. Well, when my foot slipped, my knee cap dislocated. Normally a dislocation wouldn't be that bad. This one was different. I called my dad and said I needed to go to the ER. I cried for a good 20 minutes, a rare occurrence after a dislocation.  My mom left work, drove me to the ER and we got X-rays and such. Nothing was broken. I was just really swollen, and slightly out of it, because of the pain and the medicine.

We scheduled with my surgeon on Wednesday at 10:30. He said my X-rays showed a little piece of something broken, or chipped, but apparently it has been there for quiet some time. There was nothing to be worried about. He put me on crutches, gave me some medicine and said it should heal soon.

We also scheduled my surgery.  Thats right, we have a date! On May 16, yours truly will undergo a Tibia Tubrical Osteotomy (I have heard that too many times hehe :)) along with a few other minor procedures.

Wednesday afternoon was wonderful! I got to spend the day with my two best and most wonderful friends, Kara and Joe. We got to watch a movie and eat pizza, and I was somewhat coherent. :)

So, I thought things were good, I would be okay. Yea, Wednesday night, while sitting in chapel trying to pay attention to the speaker (normally I would, but I was on pain medicine...) my knee cap decided to slide out 4 more times. After several tears, and a mascara stained face, my grandpa picked me up from Bethel, I went back to his house, packed my stuff and  my dad came and got me.

Thursday I got to spend the day with my sick little sister, Claire, who is just wonderful. And though she was sick, and I was miserable and full of pain medicine, we had a lovely day together.

Today, I rested, went to lunch with a friend who is moving and went to dinner with my grandparents.

So my week has been interesting. I don't handle pain medicine all that well, so things have been pretty fuzzy. I can honestly say that I am looking forward to this surgery in May. It has been a long road to get here, and I am ready for it to end! Also tonight starts the first night of my spring break!! And I have some fun things planned, assuming I can actually function on this medicine haha!

I just haven't blogged in a while, so I decided to but my boredom to rest. I am very thankful for all of the friends and family members who have been praying for me. I am truly blessed to have such an awesome support system. God is good. He is a rock which the weary can cling to. Believe me, I have been clinging to the rock. If you want to pray for me, I am still pretty sore, please pray for comfort, for my emotional health, and for a quick two months as I wait for surgery. If there is anyway I can be praying for you, please let me know!!