Allow me to set the stage for you tonight... It is 2:21 in the morning. I am on pain medicine. I should have been asleep hours ago, and yet here I sit on my iPad typing this post. My knee is currently killin me right now and I have no idea where this is going. I can't sleep though because I feel like God needed me to share something. This will probably be a longer post.
For those of you who do not know, I am a hopeless romantic. I love gushy, mushy, sappy romance. I believe that I will fall in love and when I do, I know that I will fall head over heels and be that girl that everyone wants to ignore because she is so happy all the time. I know that some love is a fairytale and I know that not every relationship is a Nicolas Sparks book.
But evem though I am a hopeless romantic, I am single and I always have been. I do not want to date for the sake of dating. I honestly believe that God will let me know when I have met my husband. I don't think that we need to date around and try and decide what we like in someone of the opposite sex. I don't think that I need to make out with a million guys before I meet my prince charming. I have no intention of sleeping with "frogs" to find out what I want I want in a husband. I do not want to walk down the isle and look into my husbands eyes and think "Oh yeah! He's gonne be number 21, I finally got it right." I don't want that.
I think that so many girls get caught up in dating and sleeping around because they don't know who they are. I think our world glamorizes sex and imprints in the minds of young girls that they need to have sex with their boyfriends to keep them. I think that excessive amounts of dating or "friendships with benefits" provides a skewed picture of what marriage is like. There is an easy out in a dating relationship. If I don't like something my boyfriend does, I can just break up with him and look for the next guy to hold hands with. It gives a false sense of how marriage works. I think divorce rates are so high because people don't want to work at their relationship so "breaking up" with a spouse is almost as easy as breaking up with a boyfriend. I do not understand dating.
I can say everything that I just said a million times, but somehow it took a while for it to sink in. I am going to be honest with you... I have wanted a boyfriend since like 6th grade. I would say that I have liked a ton of different guys. I got to a place though that I began to think that something was wrong with me because no one ever liked me back. In middle school, a guy asked me out as a joke as all of his friends stood around and laughed. From that point, I honestly believed that there was something wrong with me. I thought that no guy would ever like me. But I have come to a point in my life where I understand why it has never worked out with anyone before. None of those guys that I liked were the one that God had for me (and if one of them is, then obviously it just wasn't the right time, but I highly doubt that). I don't need to have a ton of boyfriends to test a guy out or to find quailities that I want in a husband. In all honesty, I have a pretty good idea of the kind of man I want based on certain quailties that I find in my friends. It's not always easy to be single or to wait patiently. In fact, sometimes it's really hard. There is a huge chhunk of my heart that is ready to get married and own a home and have babies, but I know that it is not my time yet. I simply have to wait.
I started doing something several years ago and it has helped me make it through the hard and lonely times that come with being single. For starters, I have a great group of friends who can act as my temporary "significant other." My friends are a huge help when I feel lonely. The other thing that I do is writing. I have a box and in that box, I have over 150 letters addressedto one person, my future husband. Obviously I have no idea who this man is, but I can tell you that I love him. Writing a letter and addressing it to someone that I know I will meet in the future has really helped me. I fill my letters with hopes and dreams for the future. I include scriptures and prayers that I pray over a man whom I have never met. I imclude lyrics to longs or quote from movies. I just write whatever I want. Some of them are really sappy and others are totally hilarious and boring. Love is a beautiful thing, but it is hard to have so much love and no one to share it with. I am already his, and he is mine. We just haven't met yet and we don't know each other, but God has us on reserve for one another. I wish that I could say being single is great and super easy, but for me, it is hard and it requires a lot of work to stay positive about everything. My deepest wish is to remain as single and as pure as possible until I meet the wonderful man that God has for me. And I can only pray that he is doing the same thing. I may meet him tomorrow, or I may meet him 10 years from now, but I am confident in the love story that God is writing for me and him.
And my love, if you are reading this, there is no way to describe how axious I am to meet you. I am waiting as patiently as I can.
No comments:
Post a Comment