It Is Well With My Soul

Well it is midnight. I just wanted to let you know because it seems that I have the best inspiration at odd times of the day. I don't really have a point to this post... I am just going  to type until I feel better. I hope you all know that this would be my journal entry if I actually kept a journal... So you are all getting a tiny little glimpse into the heart of Charlotte Walterhouse.

To begin, I watched a super intense episode of Monk, and my brain is still trying to process what happened. It was really crazy.

I am crying tonight and I know that most of it is because I am still fairly heavily medicate. There is also a bit of sadness in my heart. I have a really hard time feeling sad. I don't like to be sad, so I bury the feeling down as deep as I can and I pretend that it doesn't exist. I do the same thing with anger, although I really never t feel super angry.

Anyways, with the sadness mixed with medicine,  I look a little bit like Tobey McGuire when he found out that Uncle Ben dies.

I mostly posted that picture for Kara Walterhouse because it is her favorite picture ever. 

I am sure that you all know about my knee recovery, and though it is going well, I am still struggling pretty badly. The doctor gave me a few options to think about for the next few days and hopefully I can figure out something that will work for me. 

I also feel really lost. I know that I am headed in the direction that God has laid out for me, but this time of waiting and deciding is really difficult. Its hard to know that all of my Bethel friends will be going back to school, and that I won't be there with them. Its also hard to be at the place of wanting to grow up and leave the house, but not having the resources or the strength to do things on my own. 

I don't understand the trials that I am facing. This time in my life is so confusing. On one hand, I want answers. I want to know what the hack is going on. On the other hand, I have never felt more blessed or supported than I do now. God never said that life was going to be easy, but I am so glad that he has given me people to walk through the trials with. 

I was listing to the song It Is Well With My Soul tonight, and I was so overcome with emotions. There is no storm, there is no trial, there is no heart ache or burden that I go through that God is not in the midst of. There is nothing that can tear me away from Him. 

My first instinct when things get hard, or when I get sad, or when I am confused, or when I feel so overwhelmed with life is to try and decide how far away I can run to get away from the feelings. I always think to myself, well if I was living in a mud hut in Africa things would be so much easier. Um JOKE. The thing about feelings and emotions is that they go with you where ever you go. I can never run away from my own problems. 

I feel like I should write something encouraging to make up for all of the sadness and confusion of the above post, but nothing is coming to mind tonight. SO I will just say this... if you feel overwhelmed with life, or you are struggling in confusion, just cling to Christ and carry on to the end. Because even when it feels like things will never be good, God always has a plan up His sleeve. I pray for all of you tonight. I pray that you are blessed beyond what you can imagine. I pray that Christ meets you in the hurting and confused areas of your life and reminds you that he is still near.